LESSONS FOR LIVING

Guidance on the road to wellness.

Frustrated with traditional therapy, which “was designed to make it impossible for patients to change,” psychotherapist Stutz argues that facing life’s challenges requires developing one’s inner energy and acknowledging “the life forces of the universe.” As he argued in his previous book, The Tools, individuals have the power to effect productive transformations in their lives if they make a serious and ongoing determination to do so. He emphasizes the importance of a transcendent connection “to higher life forces,” which need not derive from organized religion, but must nurture our feeling of faith, “the force that gives us peace and certainty regardless of our outer circumstances.” Stutz cautions against believing that happiness can be achieved through accumulating wealth, renouncing responsibility, or indulging in pleasure. Real freedom “is exactly the opposite. It is developed through submission to the three inescapable aspects of reality: pain, uncertainty, and effort.” He underscores the importance of effort in living creatively, giving up destructive habits to set an example for one’s children, and practicing self-love: “the process of accepting the most inferior part of yourself.” Love is central to overcoming anger, as well—projecting “a loving energy to someone who has hurt you is called active love, and is the highest stage of selfhood.” To counter negative thinking, Stutz advises directing one’s inner energy to gratitude for gifts large and small that come from “the dynamic spiritual organism that underlies reality.” He offers advice on parenting young children and surly teenagers, marriage, friendships, work problems, and relationships with elders. Self-control, discipline, and empathy are as vital for positive change as connection to a “holistic universe.” “If you find yourself without spiritual direction,” he writes, “without interest in anything creative, without involvement in a community, without deep relationships, you are not moving forward.”

Thoughtful advice for personal growth.