AMERICAN COUPLES: Money, Work, Sex

by Philip & Pepper Schwartz Blumstein ‧ RELEASE DATE: Oct. 17, 1983

No survey centered on couples in the environs of New York, San Francisco, and Seattle can stand as representative; but a comparative study, in depth, of married couples, cohabitors, plus gay and lesbian pairs in target areas (with questionnaire input from elsewhere), can tell us new things about intimate relationships, or ""couplehood,"" in these uncertain times. What Blumstein and Schwartz have found is at once elementary and immensely significant. Heterosexual couples have the advantage of their ""differentness"" in choosing roles and tasks--but only so long as the man is recognized as the dominant partner; same-sex couples can more easily achieve equality--but they have neither gender roles nor tradition to guide them in running a household or a relationship. Within these broad outlines, there are differences between married couples and cohabitors, and between gay and lesbian couples--traceable to both gender roles and social givens; it might be more accurate to say, indeed, that the situations and problems of the four kinds of couples are remarkably distinct. Each, however, illuminates the others. Blumstein and Schwartz, sociologists at the U. of Washington, concentrate on three crucial areas--money, work, and sex--supplemented by aftermaths (which couples were together 18 months later). As regards finances, marital interdependence (and the need for mutual accommodation) contrasts with cohabitants' preservation of independence--at the expense of a ""stabilizing mechanism."" Lesbians, too, pay the price of self-sufficiency. But gay men have the hardest time of all. ""Because earning power is a central part of a man's identity, having more money gives a man symbolic--and therefore real--advantage over his partner."" Analogous findings emerge in the areas of work and sex. ""How can couples create an atmosphere that is nurturing, and still allow both partners to be aggressive in their jobs?"" ""Heterosexual couples do not intuitively understand what the other wants and what behavior should be shared. Same-sex couples have trouble taking on sexual duties that may seem foreign to them."" The second major part of the book introduces us--through adroit reconstructions of the interviews--to five couples in each of the four categories (the details altered to protect their privacy). Here, the extraordinary thing is not the differences but the likenesses: the emotional needs, the power conflicts, the small things that tip the balance--heightened and highlighted by the still-exceptional circumstances (and candor) of the same-sex couples. ""He came over, he are my dinner, he fell in love with me, and he's been eating my dinners ever since,"" says Lawrence of Bernard; but that's not even the beginning of the story. Blumstein and Schwartz are bent on strengthening relationships--on ""making gender work for, not against, the possibility of a lifetime relationship."" In a field dominated by tallies and theorizing, this is distinguished work: careful and caring.

Pub Date: Oct. 17, 1983

ISBN: N/A

Page Count: -

Publisher: Morrow

Review Posted Online: N/A

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Oct. 1, 1983

Categories: NONFICTION