THIS IS ME TRYING

A pair of queer small-town teens grapple with the loss of their friend.

As she begins her senior year, Beatriz Doughtery, who’s Irish and Colombian, is still grieving her dead boyfriend, Bryce, who took his own life when they were in ninth grade. His death hangs over Bea and her diverse friend group; to cope, Bea has distanced herself, hiding under her newly adopted goth look. When Santiago Espinosa returns to Vermont from California to look after his abuelo and finish high school, Bea’s furious. While almost everyone else welcomes him back, as far as she’s concerned, Santiago has been MIA since the funeral, leaving her to make sense of things without her childhood best friend. But Santi has been struggling, too: When he left town, he wasn’t on speaking terms with Bryce, and in the wake of Bryce’s suicide, that’s been an unbearable weight. Now, he’s seeking the connection with Bea that he’s lost. The story is told from both their perspectives, allowing readers further insight into Santi’s and Bea’s broken hearts. But the will-they, won’t-they drama of forgiveness drags as Beatriz and Santiago circle around each other, their collective guilt and formidable lies gnawing at them. The impact of Bryce’s suicide is prevalent throughout this novel, whose characters desperately try to reconcile themselves with their memories of a friend and urgently attempt to live in the moment.

An overly introspective dive into the murky landscape of lies, love, and forgiveness.