HOW TO GET YOUR KID TO DO ANYTHING WITH JUST 3 WORDS

Family psychologist Pressman, with psychotherapist Donaldson-Pressman, presents a surprisingly simple solution to shaping the behavior of children of all ages.

The author draws on his long experience working with kids as director of research at the New England Center for Pediatric Psychology in Providence, Rhode Island, to provide parents with a behavioral approach that he recommends to get good results. He distills his experience into a three-word formulation: “What’s the Rule?” In dealing with children, he advises a two-part process: If the child agrees to do some task that they don’t want to do—a homework assignment or a room-cleaning, to name two common examples—then the child gets to do something they want to do afterward.And if the child then becomes fractious, the parent simply asks, “What’s the Rule?” Pressman strongly asserts the effectiveness of this approach. “It’s just like Harry Potter’s magic wand; unless you know how to use these three words, it’s just a plain old stick,” he writes. “But using them properly, makes them magic.” The bulk of the book consists of Pressman elaborating on how to use those magic words properly. The requested task, for example, must meet five requirements: It must be clear, achievable, related to a specific time period, reinforceable, and consistent. To further illustrate how his system works, Pressman-Donaldson presents stories of 13 behavioral issues that could complicate matters. The author takes an even-handed approach and makes clear that his method isn’t always guaranteed. The book effectively combines his explanations with a wide variety of individual parenting stories, never blithely overpromising and firmly grounding his method in the real world. Whether the titular three words work in all cases or not, Pressman’s approach clearly has potential to teach youngsters that life is about compromise and give-and-take. As such, caregivers will find much food for thought here.

A lucid and well-argued new approach to parenting.