THE BULGARIAN TRAINING MANUAL

In Bonapace’s satirical novel, a young woman embarks on a strange journey from New Jersey to Bulgaria and back again.

Cristina Acqualina “Tina” Bontempi lives in a flood-prone, illegally rented basement apartment in Hoboken, New Jersey, where she barely scrapes by as a realtor. She spends her time smoking cannabis and working out with her fitness-obsessed friend-with-benefits, Steve. Her whole life changes after he gives her a copy of The Bulgarian Training Manual, a physical and mental fitness guide “kept secret by the Communists.” Tina dabbles in some of the manual’s self-help schemes, including a communion-wafer diet (popularized by a 14th-century nun who “helped unify Italy and brought the Pope back to Rome, all the while eating her way across Europe with communion wafers”) and “Hypno-Tan” sessions, which involve a tanning bed and hypnotism. Eventually, she realizes that, despite the “secret” nature of the manual, a surprising number of people at her gym are aware of its existence. She becomes captivated by its teachings, and she finally makes an impulsive decision to fly to Bulgaria to help “restore the Ancient Gym to its place of honor.” After she arrives, she meets a host of quirky characters, including a woman known as Baba Yaga who immediately offers her a communion wafer (“‘Eat,’ she says, ‘but never on the same day as candy corn. It is ancient Bulgarian way’”) and Mohawk, another fitness fanatic who worships the manual’s teachings—and who believes that vital pages are missing from it. It doesn’t take long before some people, including Baba Yaga, suspect that Tina may hold the key to unlocking the guide’s full potential.

As this summary indicates, Bonapace is clearly uninterested in constructing a narrative based in reality. Instead, she presents a tale of a determined protagonist on a weird, winding path toward self-fulfillment, while skewering everything from diet culture and religion to beauty trends and gym bros. Tina’s tough New Jersey attitude sometimes edges a bit too close to parody, but as she apparently bumbles her way toward enlightenment, her brash, unapologetic air makes the story of her hotheaded journey to Bulgaria worth reading. The dialogue is about as realistic as it can be, considering the utterly absurd topics that the characters discuss. But it’s Tina’s narration that proves to be the most entertaining element, as when she ruminates on why Romeo and Juliet has endured: “It said right in the prologue that the play would take two hours. That’s a lot of useful information. Most books don’t do that…Think about it. Shakespeare is still around after all these years for a reason.” Over the course of the novel, there are plenty of moments that will make readers laugh out loud, including the manual’s guide to various bodybuilder meal plans, including a feeding tube diet, a baby food diet, and a virtual diet (in which one simply pretends to eat). It’s a wild ride that’s most fun when readers put their assumptions aside.

An absurd romp through modern culture with a disarmingly appealing protagonist.