SHE CALLED ME THROWAWAY

Shams’ memoir details her immigration journey and her survival of sexual abuse.

The author, a blogger, storyteller, podcast host, and nonprofit professional, presents a harrowing story of childhood in Bangladesh, discussing the sexual abuse she suffered there. Per Shams, her mother, while under the influence of local religious leaders (one of whom she lived with for two years), allowed her daughter to be repeatedly raped as a child. (“I paid no attention to my small hands and fragile body lying lifeless waiting for it to end. Golam said nothing to me, as he didn’t even notice me. Although he would say, ‘You whore,’ as he left the room.”) Shams’ memoir addresses the effects of lingering shame and enforced silence and explores how the eventual breaking of that silence made healing possible. The memoir’s other major narrative thread chronicles her immigration to America and her efforts to assimilate, learn English, and try to fit in when attending American schools, all the while dealing with the lingering effects of the abuse she’d survived. The latter part of the book covers the author’s struggle to create her own life by breaking free of her family’s traditions and expectations, most notably by going to college and rejecting an arranged marriage to someone selected for her by her parents. Shams also writes in detail about the role of therapy and therapists in her healing, particularly following a suicide attempt. (“No one had courage to throw me away. I had to do it. My hand scooped fist full after fist full of pills as I swallowed them down with wine.”) The book should include a content warning for readers, but unfortunately doesn’t; the early sections of the memoir make for very disturbing reading in their descriptions of the trauma the author endured as a child. Still, the book is valuable as a record of sexual abuse survival that demonstrates the real possibility of healing.

Difficult to read but ultimately hopeful and inspiring.