A CHANGE OF HABIT

A journey home.

From the time she was a child and saw the movie The Nun’s Story, the author longed to become a nun, to be part of a close community dedicated to God and good works. Although her mother wasn’t a churchgoer, with her religious grandmother, she attended a Baptist congregation—a “serene, sweet place” compared to her chaotic and abusive home. In her candid debut memoir, Claudette Powell, now Sister Monica Clare, recounts growing up in poverty and fear. Her father, addicted to amphetamines, erupted in violent rages, beating her mother and threatening to kill her. The family moved frequently, and the young Claudette felt like an outsider in every new school—as well as from the Southern expectations of womanhood. She felt pressed into an ill-fitting image to be “beautiful, smart, obedient and then have a job, a husband, and children.” She wanted to serve God. Even in college (she got a partial scholarship to New York University), even as she became a standup comic and performed with an improv group, even working in New York and Los Angeles, she followed a secret spiritual path, praying, reading the Bible, and sneaking off to church. A dismal marriage to a cold, narcissistic man made her desperately unhappy, but for years she felt unable to extricate herself. Finally, she managed to turn her life around: In 2000 she was confirmed in the Episcopal Church and, in 2012, was received as a postulant at the Community of St. John Baptist. As Sister Monica, she was challenged by rules, traditions, and unspoken codes of behavior; being evaluated every six months stirred up deep feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Her memoir is a testimony of both her steadfast commitment to God and her long, hard struggle to conquer her own demons.

A forthright tale of pain and healing.