THE QUEEN AND I

A funny, surprisingly sweet satire by the author of The Adrian Mole Diaries (1986). ``I have no money; British Telecom is threatening me with disconnection; my mother thinks she is living in 1953; my husband is starving himself to death; my daughter has embarked on an affair with my carpet fitter; my son is due in court on Thursday; and my dog has fleas....'' That's how Liz Windsor, the former queen of England, describes her current situation. Liz—together with her handbag, hubby Philip, sister Margaret, Charles, Di, grandchildren, daughter Anne, and the Queen Mother—has been booted out of Buckingham Palace by the newly elected, antimonarchist People's Republican Party. Their new abode is a council flat community known not so affectionately as ``Hell Close.'' Of course, the Aubusson carpets don't fit; Liz has trouble figuring out that she has to put a coin in the heater to make it work; strange slang words start creeping into the vocabulary of the little princes; and the neighbors are a fright. But the unsceptered royal family makes do. Charles turns to gardening and rioting, Di decorates her flat, and, with saintly restraint, the former queen endures the attentions of a social worker who wants to help her with her ``trauma.'' Meanwhile, the country goes to the dogs—indeed, to get out of debt, the new PM enters into a treaty with Tokyo, making England a veritable colony of Japan. For obvious reasons, Townsend's novel has been a big success in England. Readers on this side of the Atlantic will find it diverting, too—chaotic, silly, with no real harm meant.