DEATH BY EGGPLANT

Eight-grader Bernie has modest goals—he only wants to be a master chef with a famous cooking show—but wacky circumstances conspire against him. His flaky New Age mother wants him to interpret dreams, his actuary father hopes for a mathematically brilliant family actuarial team (Bernie is failing math), and class bully Nick wants Bernie dead. Hijinks ensue when Bernie suddenly becomes a father—or is that a brother?—for an extra-credit project. To make up for his failing grades, Bernie gets a flour-sack baby for a week. Bernie’s mother names the flour sack Cleo (short for Cleopatra), and talks about her as if she’s real. Will Bernie’s mother embarrass him in front of the entire class? Will Cleo survive a week without being destroyed by Nick? And will Bernie join the CIA? Enjoyable zaniness, well-punctuated with Bernie’s appetizing meal plans. (Fiction. 9-12)