CARRYING THE TIGER

A memoir about supporting a spouse through terminal cancer.

In this deeply personal book, Stewart chronicles his journey through his wife Lynn’s cancer diagnosis, treatment, and death. In 2014, after experiencing a slew of gastrointestinal issues and unexplained back pain, 68-year-old Lynn received MRI results indicating masses in the spine and lung. Stewart revisits memories spanning their unconventional partnership before returning to the present moment, in which the couple realizes their time together is limited. After a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, Lynn underwent radiation and entered a clinical trial at Sloan Kettering for experimental drugs. After a brief period of stabilization, Lynn’s excruciating back pain returned, and doctors discovered that her vertebrae were collapsing. Meanwhile, Stewart suffered from caregiver burnout and experienced both burn and bicycle accidents. During the pandemic, Lynn contracted pneumonia and her condition worsened. Eventually, she decided to stop cancer treatment and begin hospice care. “We’ve lost almost everything else that we loved to do, but we still have each other,” Stewart wrote in a message board post; Lynn took her final breath the next day. Stewart rode waves of deep grief following Lynn’s death, finding solace in Joan Didion’s memoir The Year of Magical Thinking. While mourning, Stewart embarked on a romantic relationship; the new couple hosted a retrospective show of Lynn’s artwork before closing her studio. The book concludes with Stewart’s letter to his late wife and the burial of her ashes. The author seamlessly weaves real-life scenes, emails, internet posts, and photographs from his life with Lynn into a varied and intimate narrative. He beautifully describes the couple’s unique relationship, highlighting details like Lynn’s rule that “every kiss had to be a real kiss: Your lips had to be alive.” The author bravely shares his darkest thoughts, such as, “maybe it would be better if Lynn died sooner rather than later” and “I really missed being able to have sex the way we used to.” However, the sections about the deaths of other family and friends feel like unnecessary detours, and the extensive recounting of medical appointments, procedures, and bureaucratic snags also detracts from the story’s emotional impact.

A heart-wrenching cancer memoir overly focused on medical details.