THE LIE

A blogger and essayist’s account of how he came out after discovering that hackers had used a personal photo on dating websites to lure unsuspecting women into relationships.

Dameron was in his mid-40s when he learned that cyberthieves had used a stolen selfie for a catfishing scheme that succeeded in duping women all over the world looking for love. The incident left him feeling angry and violated but also profoundly disturbed: Now the online poster child of “deceptive online dating,” it seemed the universe was also calling him into account for the lie that had become his adult life. A father of two who had married his college sweetheart, Dameron had been raised Catholic by a homophobic mother. His adolescence had been an ongoing struggle to keep his gay identity private and live like a “normal” man. No longer willing to remain in the closet but unsure of how to escape it, he sought out the company of males at the local gym and secretly experimented with steroids to build up his body. He also developed a close friendship with Enzo, a straight man at his company, that quickly developed into one-sided attraction. Jealous of her husband’s “bromance,” Dameron’s wife accidentally found his cache of steroids. After couples counseling failed to shore up their marriage, they separated, and the author began working with a therapist to help him come to terms with “the other [gay] Bill.” Seeking a foothold in the gay community, he moved in with two lesbians and began searching for a partner. In the meantime, his wife and daughters struggled to cope with the personal and social fallout that Dameron’s revelation brought into their lives. Eventually, the author crossed paths with another gay “breeder and…Daddy” who not only helped Dameron face his demons, but also became his husband. Candid and compassionate, the book celebrates truth and honors the redemptive power of forgiveness and love.

An ultimately uplifting memoir in which the author learns “to love my authentic self, not the image I had created.”