THE SOCIAL PARADOX

A breakdown of enduring bonds lies at the root of our discontent, according to this wide-ranging examination.

A central paradox of the modern era is that we are becoming more unhappy even though, compared with hunter-gatherers, “the comforts, safety, and ease of our existence make us the equivalent of multimillionaires.” So says von Hippel, a longtime professor of psychology, who delved into sociology, anthropology, and biology for some answers. He argues that societies are constructed around two evolutionary imperatives: the need to connect with others, and the desire for personal autonomy. The people in hunter-gatherer societies tend to be quite happy because they have a network of connections, even while they have room for self-expression and individual action. As societies become more complex and productive, the autonomy imperative becomes dominant over the connection imperative, and the balance is lost. The point of equilibrium varies between individuals, but von Hippel says that everyone needs a mix of both—no amount of money, novelty, and blingy tech can make up for a lack of connection with others. The author devotes a chapter to the impact of social media, which can undermine genuine connections (not surprisingly) if the screen becomes central to one’s life. Used the right way, however, it can be a powerful antidote to an excess of autonomy. Von Hippel offers a series of suggestions for finding a better balance, mainly by making personal linkages a part of life rather than an occasional afterthought. “Choosing autonomy has become a habit for most of us,” he writes. “But once you start adding connection back into your daily life, that, too, will become automatic and easy. It should also be incredibly rewarding.”

A thought-provoking look at how to bring balance back into our lives.