As a psychotherapist and workplace well-being expert, Farah Harris knows that people have probably already come across the term emotional intelligence in today’s world. “It’s overhyped,” she says plainly. For her, however, what we see trending as an important “soft skill” across the wellness space, corporate or otherwise, is misunderstood. “We don’t fully understand the depth and breadth of it,” Harris says, and that depth is exactly what she digs into in her book, The Color of Emotional Intelligence: Elevating Our Self and Social Awareness to Address Inequities.

At the end of 2007, Harris had been let go from her first corporate job in marketing and was left wondering where to go next. As someone fascinated by people’s stories, she had always been a friend whom others would come to for advice, and in reflecting on a career change, she felt a spiritual prompting toward family counseling. She enrolled in graduate school at Trinity International University in Deerfield, Illinois, close to her home in Evanston, where she is still based, and quickly realized that the mental health space was exactly where she needed to be.

“I don’t recall when I heard about emotional intelligence,” Harris says. “But the minute I understood the definition of it, I thought, This is a skill set we should all have.”Harris soon shifted her focus to behavioral and cognitive therapy, where she found a new lens for viewing people’s narratives through emotional intelligence, or emotional quotient.

“There are stories attached to beliefs,” Harris explains, “and then there are emotions attached to those stories. When I saw that, I saw how EQ was interwoven in the work I could do with clients.”

By 2019, Harris had her own private practice and was developing a separate business dedicated to workplace well-being with the goal of taking on corporate clients. That transition was slowed at first by the birth of her youngest child, and then it seemed impossible to complete when the Covid-19 pandemic hit in early 2020.

“But the pandemic actually helped my business,” Harris says. Amid all the uncertainty, Zoom layoffs, and drastic shifts to working from home, corporations found that their once-a-year presentations on depression and anxiety weren’t nearly enough. Companies turned to her to help them help employees process their experiences. “And when George Floyd happened, they started saying, ‘You’re a therapist. You’re a Black woman. Can you come talk to our Black employees about what’s going on?’”

Race and cultural identity are crucial to how Harris explains and expands on EQ in her book, which Kirkus Reviews calls, “a passionate and richly readable plan for extending the reach of emotional intelligence.” Using her personable style of warmth and humor, Harris breaks down complicated ideas. She explains EQ in its simplest terms as being able to manage your feelings and understand the emotions of those around you.

The depth that Harris is looking to add to that definition, though, comes from her perspective that race, religion, sexuality, disabilities, and more will change what it means for different people. As she explains in The Color of Emotional Intelligence:

Let’s face it, even something as basic as chicken is prepared differently based on cultural or socioeconomic upbringing. If we can approach cooking differently, surely we can approach a skill like emotional intelligence in distinctive ways.

When we think about emotional intelligence, what are we not considering? In what ways do experiences of marginalization hone our intuition and soft skills?… Can I let you in on a secret? Those who have historically and systemically been marginalized use the competencies in this skill set differently and as a means of survival.

When Harris started addressing Black corporate employees in the wake of George Floyd, she used this angle to structure her presentation into three distinct parts: What is emotional intelligence? How can it be different for marginalized groups? And what does that mean for allies? (Or All[ies], as she specifies in her book to call out particular attention to the importance of intersectionality.)

“It became one of my most sought-after talks,” Harris says. “I started thinking, Maybe there is a book here? And folks started saying to me, ‘There is definitely a book here.’”Harris took the three-part structure of her presentation and used that as the outline for The Color of Emotional Intelligence.

Harris’ original presentation and a significant amount of her book are dedicated to the “Black experience,” but as time passed, she saw how this angle on EQ applied to numerous groups. “This has to do with women…with people who are neurodivergent…with the LGBTQ+ community,” Harris says. “It’s for anybody [who] feels they are not safe when they are the minority in a majority space, anyone who has felt looked over, unseen, or unheard.”

Harris’ history as an immigrant to the United States helped shape her perspective. She moved with her mother from Port-au-Prince, Haiti, when she was two-and-a-half years old, so although she did grow up in the United States, she explains, her experiences with racism were quite different. “I don’t come with the historical racial trauma that my African-American brothers and sisters have,” she says. “That allowed me to empathize but also to have detachment.”

That strong sense of empathy combined with an objective perspective can be seen throughout Harris’ vocation as she provides useful tools for people to work through their trauma while also recognizing the needs of others—especially Black women, whom she identifies as being, unfortunately, at the bottom of a hierarchy of marginalization. “If you address the pains, concerns, and needs of a Black woman,” Harris says, “you speak to the needs of those who are disabled, those who are queer, those who are discriminated against for age or size—all of it.”

In her book, Harris calls EQ a “strong skill” since it is meant to help people stay grounded and considerate “while it seems like the world is unkind and unstable.” But she wants to clarify that EQ is not a method for remaining calm or stifling emotional reactions. “Emotions are great. We need more sensitive people. It’s about making sure your emotions are not leading you,” she explains. “When you have high EQ, it’s about holding yourself accountable when you get it wrong.”

That idea is also key to Harris’ views on allies for marginalized communities: everyone can be an ally, and we all need to reflect on how. After one of her talks, a Black female attendee approached her to say that Harris helped her realize she herself needed to be doing more. “Just because you’re Black, you might assume you can’t be an ally or you aren’t meant to be the advocate,” Harris says. “But we are all in need of somebody else’s stewardship.”

Harris has been focused on running her company, WorkingWell Daily, since 2020, and she is committed to fostering these conversations with employees across the country. She stresses that corporations opting for sponsoring 5K runs or free trips to a yogurt shop are completely missing the mark when it comes to workplace wellness, and there needs to be space for difficult conversations and emotionally intelligent responses. “We have empty nesters, we have people dealing with infertility, demotions, promotions, layoffs. This is the conversation we need to be having.”

Rhett Morgan is a writer and translator based in Paris, France.