The core of Future Widow got its start in the online journal Jenny Lisk reluctantly began writing when her husband, Dennis, was diagnosed with brain cancer, as a way to keep friends and family updated on developments. “It started out very matter-of-factly. I didn’t even want to start it,” she says. The CaringBridge journal was an efficient way to make sure everyone knew about the scans, treatments, and downturns. It was also Lisk’s first foray into organizing her thoughts about loss, grief, and family.

In the six years since Dennis’ death, Lisk has continued to dig into the topic—first through her podcast, The Widowed Parent, and now through Future Widow, which Kirkus Reviews calls “a heartbreaking but forthright, informative, and ultimately forward-looking cancer account.” Each chapter opens with one of Lisk’s journal entries, followed by a narrative that provides more detail, offers additional insights, and places one family’s experience in a broader context. “I wanted to keep the documentation of the time as a reflection of what a family goes through,” she says, “but I wanted to add a few things.” For instance:

I felt like I needed to write this comprehensive summary of the situation for people who were following along, in anticipation of the kids’ return to school, and my return to work, the following week. I knew we’d be seeing many people who cared about us, and many people who would ask the dreaded question, “How are you?” I also knew that it would be impossible to know who had been following every blog post in great detail, who had seen some entries here and there, and who really didn’t know what was happening besides “Her husband has cancer.” And I knew that trying to sort this out on-the-fly—in response to the inevitable “How are you?”—would exhaust me.

That exhaustion was just one piece of the new role Lisk found herself inhabiting. “I wasn’t expecting to be parenting by myself. I wasn’t expecting to have the additional challenge of grieving and having grieving kids.” (Although her children make occasional appearances in the book, Lisk was careful to keep the story focused on her own loss and to allow her children to retain control of their experiences. “My story as a parent is mine to tell. Their stories are theirs to tell,” she says.) And although she knew from the start that “memoir is a rather vulnerable genre,” she was still surprised at how exposed she felt as the book’s publication day approached. “When the word vulnerability pops into your head, you think of Brené Brown,” Lisk says, so she revisited Brown’s Daring Greatly to prepare herself for sharing her story.

Lisk had one goal when she began writing: “I wanted to help other people who found themselves in the position of being a widowed parent.” That meant sharing not only her own story of the practical and emotional aspects of managing her own grief, but also how she supported her children through the loss of a parent. And, in addition, she gathered together the many resources she had discovered through her research and the interviews she conducted for her podcast. “I realized there were a lot of experts who had things to say about the different pieces of this puzzle. [But] they weren’t cohesively pulled together,” she says. “I’ve interviewed so many really interesting people, and they’ve all been so generous.” 

“I didn’t know what I didn’t know about being a widowed parent, and I didn’t even know who to ask,” says Lisk. “If I’d had a book like this, I would have felt comfort in reading someone else’s story.” None of her immediate circle had dealt with a similar loss, especially not while raising small children, and while they were supportive, they didn’t know how to direct her to family grief centers or discuss death in child-appropriate language.

Dealing with children’s grief appropriately is a priority with Lisk, and she hopes adults understand the importance of honesty. “Parents always want to protect their kids,” she says. “It’s very common that parents will make up a cover story,” especially if a death happens in difficult circumstances. “The problem is, the kid eventually is going to find out,” she explains. “What happens then is that the bond of trust with their surviving parent is harmed.”

In the future, Lisk plans to create a compilation of resources for widowed parents. “I actually thought I would write that book first, but I realized it needed more time to marinate,” she says. “I’m still working toward the widowed parent handbook.” Before that book makes it to press, she has others in the works.

First up is a collection of essays, which Lisk calls “an anthology of short submissions from fellow widowed parents,” due out later this year. “Those of us who’ve been down this path have some support to offer,” she says. She also has a line of children’s books planned. 

And she has one more book in the works, aimed at an unexpected segment of Future Widow’s audience. “I’ve heard from a lot of readers who are not widowed parents [but] who have been really glad they read the book,” she says, because it taught them how to support friends and family through their grief. Lisk calls these people “grief allies” and is planning a guide to being an effective ally. “I learned so much, being on the receiving end of all this support,” she says, and she wants to help others understand what is and isn’t helpful. 

Right now, Lisk knows her current book is sadly timely, since hundreds of thousands of children have lost parents and caregivers to Covid-19. “The problem of children’s grief has always been there,” she says. “Now with all of that, this work has become so much more urgent.”

Sarah Rettger is a writer and bookseller in Massachusetts.